Alan: Look at you! Did you get a haircut or did your head get stuck in a weed-whacker?
Doris: Look who’s talking. Maybe you should do something different with your hair, like wash it.
Alan: Oh, burn. That would have been a nice comeback if it weren’t so dumb. Who taught you your one-liners? A friend? Oh, I forgot. You don’t have any.
Doris: I think you’ve confused me with someone else – you!
Alan: You couldn’t come up with your own put-down so you had to borrow mine? How humiliating for you.
Doris: Not as humiliating as having to walk around with that face. I have something that’ll improve it: a paper bag!
Alan: Oh, clever. I knew better insults when I was six years old.
Doris: You mean the same mental age you are now?
Alan: Give it up. Nobody can one up me in trading insults. Your brain is no match for mine.
Doris: You’re right. You’re a person of rare intelligence. You rarely show any!
Script by Dr. Lucy Tse
Category: Relationships + Family